Friends and fellow readers, I cannot tell you how many times in the last 4-5 days I have thought about my computer as it sat on our desk just waiting to be utilized.

I tried multiple times to find the inspiration to share the light and happiness of everything happening here on our micro-farm, but time and time again I found myself plagued with brain fog and no motivation.

For the first few days, I just kept asking myself why I couldn’t shake the “funk”.

Then, as time went on, I realized I had to come to terms with the fact that all of the changes taking place in our world don’t seem to be for the “greater good” and as I think for myself as an adult (for what feels like for the first time ever), I’m shaken with fear regarding our current state of reality.

Homes, communities, and authoritative entities feel divided at best.

Local farmers, business owners, and servicemen lack hope and fruition for the future as our economy suffers from the world health pandemic.

If I truly reflect on these past six weeks, I must acknowledge that i’ve slowly but surely been wandering through the stages of grief.

I’m grieving what feels like the loss of our freedom on a large scale. I’m grieving how long it seems we have been distracted and allowed changes to take place that are leaving the general public helpless.

For example, there are corporate companies slaughtering livestock without reason as the chain of supply and demand become faulty in the madness. I, as someone trying to grow my farm, would not be allowed to purchase said livestock for my farm as they are “under contract”. In case you don’t understand…

Animals. are. being. killed. to. serve. no. purpose. other. than. to. be. thrown. away. This is a complete waste of resources and unnecessary as it’s unethical and taking away nutritional goods from people who would actually use them.

I cannot wrap my head around the non-purposeful and unnecessary slaughtering of animals for them to just go to waste. Because of a contract. In addition to this, few are covering the topic and I can’t understand why.

If you have ever farmed, raised an animal, or participated in ethical sourcing of consumable products then you KNOW this isn’t right. Local farmers should be shouting from the rooftops that this is so wasteful, unfair, and unjust.

How is this allowed when meat shelves sit empty at major grocery stores? Why are we not asking ourselves, “Is this a meat shortage problem or a supply transportation problem?” proceeded by, “How can we fix this as ethically and humane as possible? What are our options other than killing thousands of animals and tossing them aside to rot?”

I’m also grieving those who lack resources like land, vegetable seed, knowledge, and skill to carry on if times continue to worsen. I, myself, am included in this as I realize all of the time I have wasted not educating myself on self-sustainability and being as resourceful as I possibly can.

I actually find so much joy in “old-fashioned” roots of home and community gardening. I want to be able to call my neighbor trade milk for sugar or flour for tomatoes. I want to be able to utilize my community for everything that it’s worth and BUILD BIGGER TABLES and NOT HIGHER FENCES.

It seems like every time I open social media I see another scary news article or video leading the public in the opposite direction of togetherness.

I’m mourning local communities around the nation who are missing out on a sunny saturday where residents and friends gather on their downtown streets to share and sell goods they worked so hard to create.

I’m mourning our ability to mindlessly grab a coffee with a friend without the gut-wrenching guilt that such money spent so frivolously could actually be spent within the home on food and goods like rice, beans, seed, and herbal medicines which could be better utilized over days vs. 30-minutes of social consumption.

I feel great fear and frustration that we have global leaders speaking out against other global leaders with claims that doctors are being given monetary incentives by corporate insurance companies in relation to covid-19 patients and improper treatment.

Doctors are uploading webcam videos stating what’s being broadcasted and what they are experiencing in the field are contradictory (at best) only to have the videos removed and controlled by the platforms.

I can’t stop asking myself how is that freedom of speech if it’s only going to be removed and censored to the public?

In short, my frustrations lie in the unknown.

Let’s be real. I am a nobody being fed information by multiple media outlets…NONE of which come directly from the source. So, I likely know nothing about anything. I acknowledge that each source has their own narrative and extract information to fit within those constructs.

Again, I state my frustrations lie in what I do not and will not ever truthfully know.

My efforts to sow, grow, and sustain almost feel wasted in the wakes of what feels like hopelessness for our future.

If you are someone who is paying any amount of attention to what is going on in the world, then you are likely experiencing some degree of what I am.

Who do we believe? Who do we trust? What does the future hold?

I have so many questions.

However, as I previously stated there are stages to grief. The last stage is acceptance and I seek to do just that.

I’m working to accept the things I can’t change, things I can change, and what I want my future to look like.

I’m accepting that though I’ve grown up in the era of social media, it is not where I want to spend my time in terms of daily indulgence. For my mental and physical health, I have to start setting boundaries.

Don’t get me wrong, this platform is created and thrives on social media. I’ve learned and will continue to learn a lot on social media from fellow gardeners, homemakers, and communities alike but I do not want to mindlessly consume things that do not benefit me.

Friends, I’m sorry this post seems grim. It’s not something that reflects what I want this community to be about but I feel like I have to word vomit this out of my brain before I can figure out the next step.

I want to continue to grow and share with this community all that I’ve learned so maybe the focus can shift back to the family garden and community reliance. I’d love to see mom and pops be the backbone as they often have it’s consumer’s best interests at heart.

When I started this blog, I wanted the moto to be “You can too”. If I can do it, you can too. We are in this together friends. We must stay strong and support each other when we feel like we need it most.

Stay tuned for regularly schedule content as I already feel like I have a more positive direction to go (verses what I’ve been feeling the last week or 2).

With love, Elizabeth.