Our precious boy. Our little bundle of joy is healthy and kicking away in my tummy and I’ve enjoyed this experience more than I ever thought imaginable.
I haven’t talked openly on social media about my pregnancy or navigating the physical and emotional changes that are taking place daily throughout this experience.
Maybe this space will serve as a pathway to both building a farm and navigating motherhood. Motherhood on a farm sounds really enticing and romantic to me…when its not -14 degrees farenheight or 100 degrees farenheight.
My first and most noticeable struggle so far has been navigating the Arkansas heat. If you’ve ever been to Arkansas, you know that we don’t just have heat. We have heat paired with humidity that will take your breath away and make your muscles feel like mush all in the same instant.
It is incredibly hard for me to believe I used to workout twice a day for sports in an non-airconditioned gym during these months. While growing this baby, I’m lucky to be outside for 5-10 minute intervals.
My stomach is tight. TIGHT TIGHT. My pants are also getting quite tight. Yet, I’m not concerned with it. My body is healthy and doing just as it is supposed to. Somehow that seems like enough.
There are little moments nestled between the really big ones. Like the first time my husband got to feel him kick when it was just the two of us relaxing on the couch. That caused some really big tears. Or maybe the little “flutters” after I finish a meal little man clearly enjoyed as well.
There’s also that glimpse you get of your ever growing belly right before you get in the shower. It catches me off guard almost every time. Where there once was a flat, somewhat defined abdomen now stands a full figured woman carrying a child.
Weird. and surreal.
For the longest, I think the only things that made this all seem real was the fact that my friends and family kept talking about it.
Now, when no one is around and it is just me and my baby boy; I feel more connected than ever.
Another really weird phenomenon is the stares. The “is she pregnant” or “is she letting herself go?” stares. I think people are leaning more towards the first now but still wayyyyy too scared to ask. I didn’t anticipate the whole “have a baby but don’t look like you’ve had a baby” pressure to be as strong as it is. I honestly didn’t know it existed until I experienced it for myself.
I’m not weighing myself or obsessing over each calorie I consume during this time. My focus is deeply rooted in nutrition and satiation above anything else. Speaking of satiation, those first 4-17 weeks almost seemed impossible as nausea kept anything from sounding good but hunger beckoned my attention almost every minute of every day. I remember waking up at 3 in the morning and telling my husband if he didn’t get me crackers and applesauce ASAP I thought my stomach was going to literally start touching my backbone.
Also, onions, coffee, nor ground beef are my friends at this time. I don’t foresee that changing any time soon either. For someone who loves all of those things, it has been quite the challenge. I think what has helped me the most is that I quit drinking coffee about 2 months before conceiving so I haven’t missed it as much. I’ve missed the culture of it more than anything.
The summersaults and baby yawns that are taking place in my tummy right now are worth everything thought and pain I’m having. I always felt I would be a girl mom whilst wanting a boy. I think my momma heart will be mush for this boot wearin’, fishin’ obsessed, chubby legged little cutie in a very short time.
In the mean time, we are taking this experience day by day. I think that’s the best way to savor each of these moments and feelings.