So, last night while me and my husband were winding down for the evening, discussing the plan for the next day it dawned on me; we still don’t have a typical “routine”.
Literally every single day is different for us. With his job and where I’m at in school, anything can change at any moment.
If I’m being honest, there are days where I would really enjoy some normalcy. How easy would it be to at least know what to expect. But, that’s not our life. That’s not how we roll.
Because of this, we have to work extra hard to be intentional about the time we spend together. I feel like our lives are much like a long, never ending series of “make or break” moments that other couples experience every now and then. And that can be super super difficult. However, the one thing that makes this journey so worth it is the fact that my partner exhibits the same effort that I do each and every day.
In full transparency, there are some days where it’s not 50/50. I’m not even sure that’s a reasonable goal to have. Here’s why. You are going to have bad days; bad days at work, days where you don’t feel good, you’re even liable to reach burnout a few dozen times. When this happens, the effort in your relationship might look a lot like 70/30.
And on those days, I am so thankful for that compensatory percentage. It keeps me going and most importantly, it keeps US working.
If you’re out there reading this, frustrated and crying to your mom every day because this isn’t the picture perfect relationship you grew up believing existed; I just want you to know you are not alone. Yeah, you envisioned dinner together at 6 p.m. sharp every evening and sure let’s have a romantic breakfast every morning to start your day. Instead, it’s a peck as you run out of the door because you overslept or it’s heated leftovers from the dinner you ate by yourself 3 hours ago.
But let me stress how worth it this all is. Because, all of a sudden, after what seems like the LONGEST WEEK EVER you get to take a Sunday nap together. Or you’re washing dishes and catch him gleaming at you like you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. These are the moments that lay the foundation for the really hard times. The times where you want nothing more than 3 days of uninterrupted quality time and no to-do lists but instead work calls. House chores call. Meeting beg your attention. That really big test next week isn’t going to study for itself.
It’s worth it. Just be intentional. There may not be a routine but there’s a lot of love and a lot of excitement in the days to come.
2 responses to “It’s Been A Year and We Still Don’t Have A Routine”
Love this and was definitely a lesson to learn for this Type A perfectionist! I highly recommend you check out The Marriage Journal. We started it about a year into marriage and it was revolutionizing. We are in the same season of balancing career/school/different schedules. But every week it has a calendar for you and your spouse to roughly sketch out your week. It’s been a game changer to know what to expect and carve out quality time during this season without any kind of normal routine when each day/week can look completely different!
Oh my gosh! I love this idea! I will definitely have to look into it. Wishing you all the best during this time because I know all too well how frustrating it can be. May we stick together!