If I Am Wrong, I Do Not Want To Be Right

Listen to me,

If there is one thing I know to be true, it is that time heals old wounds. It is believed that your scars make you beautiful. However, what happens when wounds do not heal? You can only form scars once something that used to hurt, heals. Maybe that is why we run, full of fear, in unknown directions chasing false happiness and attempting to occupy our mind so that we never have to face the brutality of reality. Reality sets in the minute we take a second to breathe and come to terms with the ugly truth. For instance, sometimes we do not always get to say good-bye. And even if we are given that opportunity, most take it for granted. Friends are fickle beings and your family might be too. It is nothing but a constant cycle of heart break if you are the person who constantly makes sure everything and everyone is okay. Yet, who is checking on you? Friends change, feelings change, and people change too. That is why it is imperative you remain true to yourself. If you find yourself encompassed in companionship that gives you butterflies in your stomach and leaves your cheeks aching at the end of each day, I encourage you to count your blessings. If you find yourself lying awake at 2 a.m. and all you can think about is someone who has not given you more than a second of a thought, think about yourself. Think about when you were little and you would dream about your future. Would you have dreamed for sleepless nights, an aching heart, and tear-stained pillows? Think about all that you have to offer. If you are reading this, if this applies to you, I pray to God that you realize your worth. Worth that is not based on grade point averages, likes on your Instagram picture, or the price of the clothing on your back. Worth comes from choosing what is right even if that is the hardest choice. Perhaps it is caring so much for other people even though you cannot remember the last time someone went out of their way to make your day a little better. Embrace who you are and everything you have to offer. It is hard to imagine that some day, you are going to wake up in the early hours of the morning with your hair a ratted mess and your eyes half open; only to realize that you are further along in your journey to happiness than you would have ever hoped. My gosh, I hope you wake up one morning next to the love of your life with your bodies intertwined and your hair messier than it has ever been. I hope your heart feels like it could burst from being filled with so much love and that together you know no day is a bad day because you have each other. I hope someday you are dancing around the tiles on your bathroom floor barefoot and giggling until your heart is content. I hope one day you are lying awake at 2 a.m. and instead of having tired eyes and tear-stained sheets it is because you are snuggled up re-watching your favorite movie for the thousandth time, just to hear their voice utter the quotes you already know by heart. I hope you find someone or some place to accept you because Lord knows you deserve it. I hope you find someone who chooses you every time. Even when it is not easy, or when it is scary, or when there are a billion other people to choose from but all they can see is you.

Learn to value yourself. If you do not value yourself, you cannot expect someone else to value you. Value the fact that you giggle when you are nervous. Maybe you laugh louder than anyone else in the same room or maybe you over think every second of every day. If you try your hardest to cook gourmet but your best result is bland mashed potatoes and burnt toast, value that too. You are who you are for a reason. Do not apologize for caring, letting someone know you miss them, sending a drunken heart-felt text at 3 am, or being honest with your feelings. Do not let someone who does not appreciate everything you have to offer, break you. Build yourself up. You have been strong enough to pull through countless obstacles thus far. Make yourself the sun and shine, oh let yourself shine.

If there are two things I know to be true, it is that time heals old wounds and those who set fourth in life courageous are the ones who find happiness. It takes courage to put yourself back out in the world once you have been hurt, broken, beat down, let down, embarrassed, or defeated. It is too easy to live your life in fear defending yourself with mannerisms that keep the world at arms length. I would encourage you to be afraid. Embrace every opportunity to overcome a fear, to allow yourself to heal, to love again, to rebuild relationships, to find and realize your worth, and to value yourself.

“Anyone who holds onto life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you’ll have it forever…” John 12:25

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